featured image: a photo of my 3D printing webcam “setup” that I’ve been using for Twitch. A Prusa Mini sits next to a Framework Laptop, with a webcam and key light resting on top of the laptop screen.
The Polynomial Graph of January #
I started out this month well - I had discovered a combination of medications and supplements that reliably got me 7 hours of sleep a night, and for about 1 week, I started to finally feel like a normal human being again. So silly of me to think that would stick around!
This month has been very challenging for me. Pretty soon into the new year, I started new meds (and started coming off old meds) that should be better for my conditions with less side effects in the long-term. The next two weeks were awful. I was constantly in pain and uncomfortable, so much so that my sleep worsened dramatically (and I have chronic insomnia so that’s saying something). On top of the body discomfort though, my mental health was also suffering.
The new meds had turned up my OCD and anxiety to their max. I was more-than-ever depressed by all of the injustice and rage I felt at my government’s administration. I had some difficult conversations with very dear friends. I became very paranoid. I gained 15 lbs. There was so much self-hatred, fear, and other mental suffering that had suddenly dropped on me dramatically.
Thankfully, though, the dip hasn’t stuck around. 2 weeks after starting the new meds, my body is finally starting to adjust. I’m feeling hopeful again. Optimistic, even. I’ve started engaging in political activities that make me feel like I am empowered and capable of making positive change against the darkness that threatens us. I’m using my resources and time to step into projects that I care about, and it’s giving me new life again!
Hope Jam #
Hope Jam was a significant part of my January. Led and hosted by LEMONPOPPYSEEDGAMES, Hope Jam was a 2 week period where a number of us participating committed to 2-3 tasks that were directly related to either building hope within ourselves, our communities, or even more globally. I had committed to a number of various tasks, ranging from deep-cleaning most of my house to turning off a few subscriptions and donating the money I saved to The Trevor Project.
What it helped me realize, though, is that hope isn’t necessarily something you “have”. Hope is something you cultivate. It requires a little bit of time, action, and effort. It requires you to spend your resources. Even working on a fun project like a Picotron game requires time and energy and thought from me (but it was very fun to finally get back into something creative - which I’ve missed dearly!).
Using My Resources #
One of the things I did during Hope Jam was contact my state’s representatives and senators. That’s something I’ve never done before, primarily out of fear of the unknown. It made me realize though, how good it feels to FINALLY do something, however small, that represents an action against the rising fascism that I see my government encouraging. So I started wondering what other actions I could take with my limited resources…
and I got in touch with a collective of 3D printing enthusiasts! This group has organized a massive community of suppliers and requesters - so I started putting my Prusa Mini to work! You can read more about that here. Over the past two days, we’ve already printed more than 200 whistles and I’ll be fulfilling my first two orders tomorrow!
I’ve been streaming the printer running for long periods of time, and it’s been nice to just do some light chatting with folks as they stop by and pop their head in! I anticipate my printing account will hit Twitch affiliate by the end of the week, and then we can get REALLY silly with it… stay tuned.
In Retrospect #
January has challenged me physically, emotionally, and mentally. I really struggled. But with the help of friends and the online community I’ve surrounded myself with, I’ve been able to crawl forward through the challenges. While I’m certainly not out of the things trying to bring me down, I feel just a little more equipped to endure those challenges 🫶
